Small Insults, Small Blessings, and Big Emotions
Last month I agreed to help woven factory convert artworks from JPEG to vector format. I knew they couldn’t pay much, so I told them to give whatever they felt was fair. I didn’t expect that “fair” meant less than USD 3 for two artworks. Even if the work didn’t take long, I still spent time and energy on it. It felt insulting. I don’t mind low-paid work, but I do mind being undervalued by a factory I’ve worked with for over a decade. Even a student rate shouldn’t be this low. I honestly don’t know what they were thinking.
While I was feeling depressed about this “insult,” two very good orders came in (not from the woven factory). They will help a lot with office rent and raising the cats. And last Thursday (11th June), I won the 6th prize in the lottery. Not a lot of money, but it really brightened my week. I messaged my brother because the numbers I chose were our siblings’ birth dates. Then he told me he won too — the 5th prize, double my amount. He barely buys lottery tickets these days, but that day he was unhappy about work and thought, “If I win the 1st prize, I don’t need to work anymore 😂😂.” Still, what he won was enough to lift his mood.
When I received the first big order, I happened to be chatting with a friend who works for Mastercard. I joked that maybe he should message me more often if talking to him brings good orders. He did message more in the following days — but the conversations often ended with me ignoring him. He doesn’t seem to understand how to respect women. He constantly brags about his private parts, which I don’t care about at all, and even makes comments guessing about mine. We’ve never even met. I once told him to imagine I were his daughter — a man she never met talking nonstop about his private parts and commenting on hers. What would he tell his daughter? I would tell mine to block him. I’ve been debating whether I should. He’s a secret shopper, and his job and travels are interesting — that’s the only reason I haven’t blocked him yet. He’s not young, and I truly hope someone will tell him how inappropriate his behaviour is.
Last night I lost my temper again. I know I’ve been too harsh on Robyne, and it’s not fair compared to how I treat Cross. But she really knows how to push me to the edge. I don’t want her left alone outside when Ginger and Cross are playing or sleeping inside after dinner. I want the family together, and I can tell Ginger wants that too. But Robyne either runs away from me or hides where I can’t reach her. So I took a desperate measure — a collar and leash. I grabbed her while she was eating. She struggled the first time, but then she got used to it.
However, last night she cried a lot and wouldn’t eat. I took her upstairs and gave her dry food and water. When Ginger and Cross came in, she cried again. I thought she needed to pee or poo, so I brought her to the litter box, but she didn’t do anything. Ginger didn’t like it when they tried to suck from her — they’re 3.5 months old now, their teeth must hurt her — so she stayed away.
I took Robyne to the living room while Ginger and Cross played. Robyne barely joined; she just sat under the sofa like she always does. When Ginger and Cross got tired, they went upstairs to sleep. I didn’t move Robyne because she seemed to be sleeping under the sofa. It was quiet for a while, then I heard a “peeing” sound. She had peed and pooed under the sofa. I completely lost it. I was furious that she didn’t pee or poo when I took her to the litter box. I beat her harshly. She panicked and pooed even more. The more mess she made, the more I lost control. I hit her harder. Ginger and Cross were terrified; they came downstairs and ran outside.
I kept Robyne on the leash outside while I cleaned up. I tried to calm myself but failed. After cleaning, I hit her again, and she pooed more outside. I released her and washed the area. Ginger and Cross tried to comfort me and wanted to come back in, but I was too angry and needed to be alone. I told Ginger to sleep in her house, but she still doesn’t like the house I built for her.
I barely slept. I kept asking myself why I can’t treat Robyne the same way I treat Cross. Maybe it’s because Cross trusts me completely — all he wants is food or play, and he never hisses at me. I feel guilty, but I don’t think I can make up with Robyne. All I can do now is give more love to Ginger and Cross.
#FeelingUndervalued #ArtWorkWorthMore #UnexpectedBlessings #LotteryLuck #RespectWomen #StrugglingWithPatience #LifeWithCats #TryingToDoBetter