Relationship
In life, we all have different kinds of relationships — parents, siblings, lovers, spouses, children, friends.
Parents
I was very close to my father. To me, he was a wonderful and amazing man. He cared about everyone, even those who had cheated him. The only problem I ever had with him was his hoarding. “One day it will come in handy” was his motto, so he almost never threw anything away. His bedroom was piled up with all sorts of things. I always wish there were a pill that could heal hoarders. Perhaps we will have to wait until the 22nd century for that.
My mom and I tried to work things out, but I guess “money” has always been more important to her than I am. The last straw was when I had that motorbike accident. I called to tell her I was okay — just 16 stitches on my leg — but her reaction surprised and disappointed me. She didn’t ask what happened; she only asked how much the hospital bill cost. My mom will be 91 years old in July. I still wish she could change her view about money and reconcile with me.
Siblings
My brother and I used to talk all day long. We were super close. But since our dad passed away, we haven’t been as close as before. Still, seeing how well-behaved his two sons are makes me proud of him.
I have two other sisters, but to me, they are truly cruel. I have never met anyone who would say, “Call Dad for what reason? Ask him when he is going to die,” or strike my name off the hospital contact list when my dad was about to meet his maker. If these acts are not evil, I don’t know what is. The other sister simply tried to sue me for Dad’s money. Just another act of malice. We all need money to survive, but money is not everything in life. If they cannot understand that, I don’t think I ever want them in my life again.
Lovers
I have had many lovers and ex-boyfriends. When I first met Cedric, I thought he was the one because there were so many coincidences. On the day we were supposed to meet in the evening, we bumped into each other in the same MTR (subway) carriage. And it happened many times after that. We had good times together. But after eight months, when his contract ended, he left Hong Kong and went to Canada. He found someone there, got married, and adopted a couple of children.
We kept in touch for a long time — until the day he asked me to buy something from China and deliver it to his wife at her hotel while she was on a business trip. I had met his wife before. I was supposed to have tea with her while giving her the item, but she refused to meet me. Cedric asked me to drop it off at the hotel like I worked for him. To me, that is not friendship. I felt like a servant. I asked him, “Your wife’s time is time, but my time is not?” He said “yes.” I had no words. I told him to pay for a courier instead. Since then, we stopped talking. No one should exploit friendship like that.
I met Carl at a coffee shop called “Just Coffee.” Carl was very intelligent and kind. He learned to read and speak Cantonese from Hong Kong comic books, asking customers how to pronounce the words. He was also good with computers. Tall and handsome. I never thought he would ever look at me that way. I simply admired his talents. We went out a couple of times, but in my mind, it was just hanging out as friends. If I had never misunderstood him, we might have been married for three decades by now.
Carl wrote me a letter. I didn’t realize it was a breakup letter. He gave it to me and asked me not to open it until he left. He told me he was going to India. I thought we would keep in touch as friends. But after reading the letter, I realized I would never see him again. It was 1994 — no mobile phones, no internet. I tried to look for him, but up to today, I still haven’t found him. I always wonder: if I had never misunderstood his signals, would we be living happily together now? He always gave me warmth, protection, and happiness.
If by any chance Carl is reading this blog post, please send me a message. I would truly love to hear from you again — to know how you are doing.
Spouse
I guess bipolar disorder and OCD cannot coexist peacefully. John is bipolar, and I have OCD. It was sweet in the beginning when we met. But life hasn’t been easy for John. Losing businesses again and again, and losing friends, changed him. On top of that, we have totally different diets. I tried to eat like him, but I love cheese and eggs too much. The best I can do is vegetarian — vegan is impossible for me. Over time, we drifted apart. But we remain friends, not enemies.
Children
Kids are not for me. I never knew how to deal with children. When I worked as an au pair in Geneva, a five-month-old baby bullied me. Tim never let me sit down to do my homework while holding him. He cried the moment I sat. His sister Crystal was nine years old then. Like any spoiled kid, she locked me in a room before her mom came home. Perhaps I should never have taken that job.
But now, I consider Ginger my baby. I love her very much.
Friends
I know many people, but only a handful are true friends. The rest are just acquaintances. As we age, friends become fewer and fewer. These days, the people who contact me the most are those I met online. So far, only Bruno I have met in person. The rest are my chat friends. I hope they won’t disappear just because I talk too much about Ginger.